Something’s Happenin’ Here

Sunday, August 8, 2021

I’m Not Sure What it Is…

Usually, when I sit down to write a post, I have a general idea of what I want to talk about, the points I want to make or events I want to recount, etc. Today is not that day. I’m not sure really why I’m here today. I just felt compelled to write.

So, to that end, I am here, obedient to the impulse, at my keyboard, awaiting the fickle muse called Inspiration to fill me with wise words and thrilling thoughts to relay to you, my dear readers (of which I think there may only be 2 or 3 out there, anyway). I don’t have an outline, a goal, a point, or a reason today. Just words, tumbling through my mind in unfinished sentences and random snatchings of loquaciousness. For whatever that’s worth.

The Past…

Summer is officially over. Well, okay, not officially. Today is the last day of it. I go back to work tomorrow. And it’s a real shame that this year that we didn’t really get to do much in the way of summer activities. We didn’t go to the beach or on any real vacation. We had too many kids with jobs and too much else going on. For the most part, with the exception of the parents going to Louisiana overnight, we have simply sat home and done, well, not much of anything.

We’ve played some games, watched some movies and TV… but nothing of substance or consequence. My husband got another tattoo. We went to a concert or two. I “taught” a summer class (it was online and nearly automatic except for the grading, so the word “taught” might be a bit of a stretch there). We took our kids to art classes at the university. We watched The Expanse, fell in love with Chrisjen and Amos, and drank a lot. Well, okay, not a lot, but some. We have worked on getting our older kids ready to go. And by go, I mean out into the world on their own in one way or another. So the summer was busy, but not with the traditional summer vacation things.

The Present…

Speaking of the kids, my eldest, 23, is looking at apartments with her boyfriend, but in no real rush to actually move. The next one, 20, is in a band, and his bandmates all live in a rent house together, but he didn’t have a stable job to help out when they moved in, there so he’s still at home for now.

The middle child, 18, is leaving on Saturday of next week to live on campus at the university of her choice (the same one she’s been telling me since she was 14 that she would go to). That leaves me only two in school—one high school sophomore and one in her last year of middle school. It’s crazy! I feel old when I think about how old they are, but otherwise, most of the time I still feel like an awkward 16-year-old fumbling through life in a haze of doubt and bravado.

When it comes to going back to work, I am ready for this year, or I suppose more accurately, I am steeled for this year. I already know that it’s going to be a super tough one based on some things that went down last year with one of our team members who, to everyone’s total disbelief, is still employed with us and will be there again this year. Today, I am calm about it. I don’t know how long that might last, but today, I am girded against the future with a purposeful choice to take a deep breath and just tackle it—however it might work out.

The Future…

So, tomorrow is my first day back. I have to get up early, and even though we can wear jeans, I need to look presentable and probably do something with my hair and face. I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I clearly need some concealer. I have dark circles under the dark circles under my eyes! But, then again, I don’t really know much about make-up, and I don’t have time to learn or money to get new stuff tonight anyway. So basic me is what they get.

When it comes to work, I have to walk back into that building and try to keep it together. As I said, we had issues with someone at the end of the last school year. It ended with her being told (while she was on leave) that she was not to be contacting students, and us being told that we were no longer required to include her in team emails or planning. She still did contact students, sending them a frightening and very personal video about the health struggles she and her mother were facing before turning it around and telling the students not to trust anyone anywhere ever… and especially not at our school! There are, of course, volumes more that go into this story and its background, but suffice it to say, we were incredibly shocked that she will be back this year. And what’s worse is that much of our front-loaded activities for this year include “team” things to do. I don’t know how we’re going to handle this, but I know that it won’t be a cake walk.

Our principal has also had the bright idea to do an Olympics-themed day of “fun.” This will include active, physical challenges, up to and including getting wet in the pool! That may be exciting for some, but it is not something I am looking forward to in the slightest, and I get the impression that I don’t have the option to opt out. I don’t know who to project positivity and hope for the year when I’m being forced to act largely against my will. My first post here had to do with “What’s Embarrassing”—and this is more of the same. I don’t want to do these things in front of people. I don’t want to end up anywhere near a pool with my co-workers. I don’t want to be part of some strange relay that has us running through the halls. I am trying to maintain my healthy attitude and positive outlook, but the mere prospect of this “event” is making me a bit stir-crazy.

All of that said, I am looking forward to regaining some semblance of normalcy in my life this year. With the Covid Crazies over the past two years or so, it will be so nice to not have to wear a mask in school, and to be able to just talk to people like a normal human being again. I’m also excited to get on more of a daily routine, as I think that will help with my weight loss efforts immensely. Just the act of going to work every day will necessarily make me more active, too. So, I know there is good coming—no matter how much my mind wants me to focus on the bad. Ultimately, as I have learned (and tried hard to embrace) it is up to me. And so far, that has been working pretty well! Now, just to keep it up…