What Do I Do With My Hands?
Thursday, August 5, 2021
Combatting Boredom & Changing Habits
You know what they say…
“Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” Maybe that’s why it feels so wrong to just sit and not be doing something, to be still and calm. I don’t know how to not be busy. I don’t know how to let my hands—or my mind for that matter—rest.
Over the past week or so, I’ve come to a stunning realization. The majority of my eating habits used to come not from hunger and not from stress, but from boredom. I ate without thought or intent. While playing a game on the computer, while watching TV, while reading a book—I always had some kind of snack nearby, and I paid little to no attention to what that was or why I was eating it.
How did I reach this conclusion? Well, as summer winds down, and it’s time to head back to school, my friends and I have been playing a new collaborative game, Deep Rock Galactic. It’s a hell of a lot of fun, but during our first marathon session, I found myself reaching for the snacks I didn’t have at the table, and then walking to the fridge to do the “mindless stare” at the same things that have been in there for a week. I ended up with a small bag of chips as we gamed. No big deal, right? One of the things I’ve learned in this journey is that you should absolutely give in to cravings—just not overindulge. However, after a couple of hours of play, I started reaching again, and I got up again, and I went to the fridge again, and I looked for something—anything—to snack on.
Hold it! Wait a minute!
What the hell was I doing? I wasn’t at all hungry. And I had just finished vowing to not eat when I wasn’t hungry. I was just bored. I looked back and examined my behavior and my habits. It was then that I thought about the consistent presence of snacks—even healthy ones. I realized that when I was doing something that didn’t require much focus or deep thought, I was constantly eating. Now that I know this, and now that I’m consciously blocking these old habits, no matter how hard they’re dying, I find myself feeling like the John Travolta meme…. What do I do with my hands now?
Every time I think I have something figured out on this journey, there’s more. I learn more and more about myself, about how I’ve been sabotaging myself for years. I get so frustrated with the pace at which I’m losing, like everyone else out there, hoping for a simple and quick solution, but I know intellectually that that train of thought is folly. I didn’t gain the weight in a few months, so I can’t lose it that quickly if I want to make permanent changes.
The hardest times are those when I used to eat without thought. When my best friend is over and we’re watching movies, we often have dinner together. She is an amazing cook, and not only do I not want to be insulting, but I also really enjoy eating what she makes. I have a bad habit of just piling up a bunch of her cooking and eating and eating and eating. When we go out to a restaurant, I’ve always had that sniggling little voice in the back of my head saying you paid for all of this, so you need to eat all of this. I’m trying to change that mindset to be more I paid for it, so I can do whatever I want with it, even if that’s just stare at it. I’m trying. It’s hard to overcome 40+ years of programming.
How Can I Do This?
First, I have to focus on my success. I have to know that I am on my way, that this is not a fast trip, and that I will eventually get there. I need to recognize that what I’ve lost so far is good, that it’s not minor. Five percent of my body weight is already a benefit to my risk factors for diseases, and it’s only going to keep improving as I keep going.
I also have to be able to be still. I need to calm my mind and my hands. I don’t have to be constantly doing something with my hands. Further, I don’t have to have all the answers today. I have time, and each day I make the right choices and behave in the right way, I’m only creating more time for myself. I have to be patient and consistent, and know that all things are coming together for the good!