Holy Guacamole, Batman…
Wednesday, December 10, 2021
I can’t believe I haven’t been here since August. It’s December. What the hell? Life is hard.
Where Did I Go?
Well, we moved. Obvs. Much to our collective chagrin.
When last I left you, I was discussing our impending and unsolicited move. That happened. And it happened way too quickly and way too messily. We weren’t able to buy like we wanted to; we could only get approved for about two-thirds what we would need to really get a house big enough for all of us. We ended up renting a really nice place a little farther out than we wanted, but it’s good, it’s cheaper in rent, and we’ve ended up actually loving it more and more as we go along. So far it’s working well, but, as per usual, even though we moved in on August 15 (the day of Hurricane Nicholas, no less), we still haven’t really moved in yet. Still tons of stuff in boxes around.
One of the best things about the new place is that the back yard is large and in charge. We have used it tons, sitting around a fire pit, roasting marshmallows for S’mores and just enjoying the company of friends and family. There’s a small covered patio that we’ve added some twinkle lights to, and we have some whirly-gig type decorations back there. It’s pleasant and spacious and inviting.
The kitchen is also very nice. It seems much smaller than the last one, but it is much more thoughtfully designed with pull-out shelves in cabinets and lazy susans in corners, etc. to help with spatial organization. And a wifi-enabled oven. Yeah, you read that right. It’s the most ridiculous thing ever. Or so I thought…. Until I was at the grocery store, scanned the bar code on the frozen item I was buying and the oven was set at home so I could just pop the thing in when I got there. It also notifies me when the timer is done no matter where I am, which is super helpful! My son programmed one of our oft-used items: pizza rolls. Now, he just presses the pizza roll button when he wants to make them. It’s actually kind of neat.
Other Big Life Changes™
A lot else has happened. I guess the biggest thing is that my middle daughter has returned home from college. Doesn’t seem that big, right? Well, it kind of is. See, she is one who has struggled mightily with depression, to the point where (if I haven’t mentioned this in the past on this blog), during her senior year of high school, she was hospitalized in a mental health facility due to suicidal ideation. I thank God every day that she sought help instead of methods and that she trusted us to come to a better outcome when she felt like hope was lost. Things turned around, and she resumed action on her original plan, which was to go ahead and go to college away from home and continue down that traditional path.
Before she left for college, she got her first tattoo. It contains some sprigs of olive branches to represent peace and calmness, as well as the traditional semicolon associated with suicide awareness and prevention.
It’s on the inside of her arm, just below the elbow, and when things start to get bad, she can look at it, and it helps her remember to take a moment and just breathe.
Her big adventure out into life seemed to be going fairly well at first. She liked her roommate, and classes were hard but not impossible. She had a good schedule, she liked her school, and it was far enough away to feel independent without being so far she felt she couldn’t get to us (or us to her) if needed. But as the semester wore on and pressures mounted, as the loneliness of being away from family and her boyfriend took root and festered, she started to suffer again. We had always told her she could come home at any time, and we meant it. She began to make the drive more and more often. She couldn’t find a job there where they were scarce and the candidates were plentiful, and she was frustrated, broke, lonely, and lost. She began to do poorly in her academic work, and eventually dropped one class and began to fail others.
She made the tough—but adult—decision that she was not there for the right reasons. She had not considered if this was what she truly wanted and whether it was the best thing for her mental health. She had just tried to pick up where she’d left off. So, with our blessing and support (even though she was afraid we’d be mad), she has moved back home with us. Next semester, she will go to the local community college instead, and I believe she will be much better off. She is home where she has immediately available support. She has already found a great job (at Starbucks), and she and her boyfriend are looking to find an inexpensive place nearby that they can go and live on their own.
In other news, my eldest daughter and her boyfriend are doing quite well together. They’ve been planning and talking about finding a place to move out together. She has bought her first car for herself, and she is adulting like a champ. She is basically living in a Venn diagram with us—adjacent and overlapping, but not quite congruent. She is full time in school and should graduate with her Bachelor’s by the end of next semester, and she has been at her current job, full time or nearly so, for over a year now. She has achieved some good stability in her life now, and she is ready to take those next steps.
Other big changes? Yeah, I’m sure there have been many. My youngest daughter has gained a ton of confidence and was the lead in the school’s One Act Play, really earning some accolades and coming into her own. My eldest son has found a new job that he adores where he is making some great money and is fully flourishing as a salesperson while still working with his band and forging ahead. He is working now on getting his own car and insurance as well. My younger son, though he finally let go of band, seems to be in a better place mentally and is doing better in school. Both boys, for the first time in their lives, have their own rooms in the new house, so they both have the space to express themselves more, mentally and physically.
Also, at this point, every single one of my children has trusted me (and themselves) enough to come out as somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum. My eldest is pan, the next four are bi, and the youngest is gay. They are all so sure of themselves and so strong, and I couldn’t be prouder.
Connections and Conversations
Another thing that has happened in the past several weeks is that I have sort of re-connected with an old friend. While we never completely lost touch, we would go weeks or months without really talking, but now have spoken daily for several weeks. He is a writer, and he has helped me see that even when I feel I’ve fallen off of the writing wagon, even when I feel it’s been too long to hop back on, hope is not lost, and I should not give up. He helped with some friendly advice, and got me to realize I needed to post an update over here. I mean, I knew I needed to update, but in light of the crazy schedule I’ve been keeping and the disappointments I’ve faced (that I will discuss next), I have been avoiding coming here to post. But if I’m to be any kind of writer, particularly an honest one, I need to face these things, chief among them, my fears. So here I am. With special thanks to Mr. S. W.
Trends and Tribulations
Now for the health stuff. The reason I’m here. The price of admission.
This has kind of sucked. Around the end of September, I started to experience more and more side effects from the medication I was on, so I contacted my doctor for a change. There was a 2-week weaning off period, so it took some time to get out of my system before I could start the new stuff. The new meds would take a total of four weeks to get up to the full dosage for maximum effectiveness. However, my steady weight loss I had been experiencing, completely dropped off, and I even had some gains on these newer medications! See the chart below to see what happened as I transitioned to the new meds from the end of Sept.
I gave it the old college try, you see. I maintained my water, my activity levels, and more. I kept to smaller portions and healthier choices every chance I got. But as you can see in the graph below, I have fully stagnated, with most readings staying right in that 290-295 range. I had really hoped to break that 40 pounds gone mark, but alas, I still have not. I have skated really close to that mark, but have not surpassed it.
I have, however, felt better. I have been able to move around more, walk further, go up and down stairs more readily…. I feel better in the clothes I have and have had to pull some old ones out of storage. My jeans, which at the beginning of all this were so tight they were uncomfortable and cutting into me, are now nearly falling off to the point that I really need to buy new ones (but I will wait until after Christmas for that). I finally had to break down and purchase some new bras because the one remaining one that fit was riding up so high on my back and hanging down so low on the front that I may as well have not been wearing one at all anyway.
Yesterday, I talked with my doctor about switching to something else new to try. She has a suggestion she thinks might work for me, and is going to has sent it out. It has been shipped, and we will see how it goes. I promise to keep you updated here. I can’t promise updates will be frequent or coherent, but they will come.